Lucius and the Hairstyle
by Sweet Darkling
Summary: A dialogue only oneshot, start of a series of oneshots, as such. Narcissa decides to do Lucius' hair before a party, and this is the conversation taking place between them. Humourous, and partially in character. Enjoy your read!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, and more unfortunately, I'm not making any money out of this, either.

Author's Note: I just thought it would be a challenge to do an all-dialogue fanfic between 2 people. And I set this challenge to anyone who cares to take it. Write an all-dialogue fanfic between two people. It must be humorous, contain at least 500 words, and not go against the Half-Blood Prince too much.

Lucius and the Hairstyle

"How much longer?"

"It'll take less time if you stopped talking, dear."

"Why would it take less time, Cissy?"

"Because your head moves when you talk, dear."

"But-"

"Stop talking dear."

…

"When can I see what it looks like?"

"When it's done dear."

"Why does it take so much time?"

"So it doesn't look like sh- … _balderdash_, dear."

"Do you do this with Draco?"

"No dear."

"Why not?"

"Because he is a hyperactive child, and cannot sit still, dear."

"I'm hyperactive as well."  
"Yes, but I can use Unforgivable Curses on you, dear."

…

"You could use them on Draco as well."

"USE AN UNFORGIVABLE CURSE ON MY SON? Dear."

"Oh, so you can use one on your husband, but not on your son?"

"I'm so glad you understand, dear."

…

"You do realise it's unforgivable, don't you?"

"So I assumed, dear."

"And you do realise I wouldn't forgive you, don't you?"

"I'm sure I'd live, dear."

"And I wouldn't hold your hands when you're scared of the dark."

"I'm not scared of the dark, dear. You just use it as an excuse to hold my hands."

"…well, I still won't hold them."

"If you say so, dear."

"I won't do anything else either…in the _night_, if you know what I mean."

"Don't talk of such things in broad daylight, dear!"

"It's the evening."

"Somebody might still be able to hear you, dear."

"Draco's in Hogwarts."

"Stop talking, dear."

…

"I would bet all my priceless heirlooms that you wouldn't put Draco through this."

"Of course, dea- … _what_ do you mean by 'put through this'?"

"Oh, I mean, just that – well, I mean –"

"You mean WHAT, _Lucius_, pray tell? Mean that this isn't something _nice_ or a kind _gesture_ but something near akin a CURSE?"

"Dear."

"DON'T DEAR ME, YOU FOOLISH BLOND MAN! And…_and_, do your OWN hair."

…

"I'm very sorry, Cissy."

…

"It's ok."

…

"Will you please do my hair again?"

"…if you buy me something very expensive at the end, dear."

"Of course I will."

"And if you hold my hands in the party, even when it isn't dark, dear."

"More than happy to do that, Cissy. In fact, I would say I'm decidedly ecstatic to do so."

"Well, sit still then. Move your head….there, that's perfect, dear."

"Sounds like many of our nights."

"Shush, dear!"

…

"The boy hasn't hooked up with the girl yet."

"Oh? Which one of your _novellas_ is this, dear?"

"No. Not a _novella_. And I don't watch _novellas_."

"Of course not, dear."

"Don't tell ANYONE that I watch _novellas_."

"Ok, dear."

…

"I was referring to Draco and the Parkinson chit."

"Chit, dear? Surely that phrase is a little…old?"

"You said pray tell."

"It's still commonly used in books, dear."

"Old _muggle_ books."

"And 'chit' is used by Wizards, dear?"

"Well, the phrase was originally coined by Wizards, until the useless Muggles stole it."

"Oh, of course, dear. I remember Binns teaching us all about it."

"Sarcasm is not attractive, Cissy."

"Then I presume you are sarcasm personified, dear."

"Funny. Very funny."

"I prefer to think of it as witty, dear."

…

"Why hasn't that boy done…anything with the girl?"

"He has done things with the girl. I hear they work together on Potions and Charms."

"No, I mean…_things_…like…you know…_things_ that are…_things_..."

"What things, dear?"

"You are loving every moment of this, aren't you?"

"Very much, dear."

"But _why_ hasn't something happened yet?"

"He hasn't even turned 14 yet, dear. Do you want to be a granddaddy so soon, dear?"

"If it'll give me a lot more alone time with my beautiful wife…"

"Shush, dear."

"Something I said?"

…

"All done, dear! You may see it now."

"Cissy…wow…my hair is…_curly_..."

"Not curly, dear. I prefer to think of it as full of curls."

"Oh, the subtlety makes all the difference. When was this hairstyle popular, Cissy."

"Oh…erm…the 19th, dear."

"19th of March? Why, that's not so long ago then."

"Oh, no. It's a…little older than that, dear."

"17th of February? That's about two months ago, so cutting it fine, but it'll do."

"Erm…no, it is more along the lines of…the 19th Century…dear."

"The 19th…_century_? Oh…oh…oh, I suppose…that's still all right."

"And you look _so _charming in the hairstyle, dear."

"Well, that is true."

"And _most_ people couldn't pull it off, dear."

"Hmm…are you _sure _the other DeathEaters won't make fun of me, though?"

"If they try to, I will not only tell their _mothers_ but I'll also put an Ear-Boxing Hex on them. Dear."

"Well…do I get a 'prize' for being such a good boy and sitting still?"

"You weren't sitting still though, dear. But…you _were_ a good boy. Here's a kiss."

…

"That's a _kiss_? Thank god you remembered to put the No-Movement Hair-Gel on my hair. What 'prize' do I get tonight?"

"-"

"Cissy! Dark Lord's Bald Head, I'm not surprised you whispered that! Now give me your hand, darling, and let us go to the Death Eaters Annual April Ball."

Fini


	2. Author's Note

_**Author's Note**_

Hey, sorry this isn't an update. I thought I would just tell the people who really enjoyed this story and this style of writing that I've started a proper chronological series in this style. It's called Narcissa & Lucius The First Year. It is the first of 12.

I also wanted to thank DracoLovesPansy for her lovely review – it made my day. I also wanted to tell Elfie that Bellatrix would definitely make an...interesting couple... ;) But I want to use this style of writing to finish a series of Narcissa/Lucius fics. Maybe after that... ;) sendmessagekungpinoy, of course I got Draco/Pansy in there – I love them!! And thank you very much for your review. Some thanks to Kimmeth, dragonflybaby, Silver Ice, SlytherinGirl0220, LuciousLadyLucius, and osilus. Your reviews encouraged me to start this proper, new chronological series. I hope you get a chance to read it. Author Gal, thanks for your review. I'm glad it didn't confuse you – I had to edit many, MANY times to make sure it made sense. I'm glad it wasn't in vain.  NKB, thanks so much. Pinkkcat – I've never eave-dropped at a hair salon – but since you compared it positively to my fic, I'll try it next time. Thanks so much for your review – I'm glad you liked it. Mmle-parapluie, SalTangL0ve, and Romula1 – thanks for your reviews. I'm glad you liked it. And a special thanks to angelofplottwists – you were my first reviewer, and I am so glad you liked it. I hope all of you get a chance to read my new fic, and I hope all of you guys realise how valued your reviews were. A massive final thanks to all of you!

Sweet Darkling / Tuppence / Trina


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